


everything i wanted

by morningssofgold



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22307104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morningssofgold/pseuds/morningssofgold
Summary: Malcolm had wondered why he held on for so long and the reason was his girls.
Relationships: Malcolm Bright/Dani Powell
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	everything i wanted

**Author's Note:**

> _I had a dream_   
>  _I got everything I wanted_   
>  _But when I wake up, I see_   
>  _You with me_   
>  _And you say, "As long as I'm here_   
>  _No one can hurt you_   
>  _Don't wanna lie here_   
>  _But you can learn to_   
>  _If I could change_   
>  _The way that you see yourself_   
>  _You wouldn't wonder why you're here_
> 
> _everything i wanted // Billie Eilish_

“Which one is yours?” A young-ish blonde woman asked Malcolm as he made his way to the playground to pick up his daughter. The team had a case and luckily, Gil had decided to pair up Dani and JT to talk to witnesses while leaving him to go to the crime lab to further inspect the corpse. Gil didn’t exactly account for what Malcolm would do after leaving the crime lab which was not return to work. 

Malcolm had to explain to his very annoyed boss that he promised he wasn’t flaking out on work, he just had a couple of things to attend to. The things being: make a few important phone calls and stealthily pick up his daughter so they could both go and pick out his wife’s Mother’s Day gift. He didn’t actually tell his defacto father/father-in law this as he didn’t want yet another lecture on “Consulting doesn’t mean you get to set your own hours, Bright!”

Though Malcolm knew the man his daughter called Grandpa would eventually understand, the stealthy part was actually the hardest. He’d always thought he was relatively sneaky until he met Dani. Almost instantly, she had picked up on all of his habits–knowing immediately when he was lying or hiding something even before they’d gotten together. His wife wasn’t a profiler but when it came to him, she could certainly be one. Malcolm had to make this all look as natural as possible as to not invite her suspicion and ruin the surprise.

In a couple of days, it would be Dani’s first Mother’s Day, though technically it was her second. Her actual first Mother’s Day, she’d been eight months pregnant at the time and it was spent dressed up at a Whitly family brunch with an excessive amount of courses at the behest of his mother. 

Dani had looked beautiful in her textured deep emerald green dress and matching coat as it had been rather cold for May at the time. Her endless waist length curls spilled over her shoulders. Malcolm remembered chiding his wife gently, “Why didn’t you wear flats?” as he wrapped an arm around her to keep her steady in her black suede pointed toe stiletto heels. Even at eight months pregnant, Dani was still quite small. Her growing stomach had been completely out of proportion with the rest of her which had done her balance no favors.

Dani said nothing, instead fixing him with a venomous look as he held her tightly to his side and Malcolm then realized his mistake. Showing up to brunch in flats would not escape his mother’s notice even in Dani’s condition and though Jessica and Dani had long buried the hatchet, at eight month’s pregnant, Dani’s patience for Jessica Whitly branded nitpicking was at an all-time low.

This year, however, Malcolm was determined to give Dani a Mother’s Day much more to her liking. He’d felt bad when Dani grumbled after leaving the restaurant, “How do you have seven courses and still no food?” To make it up to his heavily pregnant wife, he’d taken Dani to her favorite diner in Hell’s Kitchen, where she’d happily munched on fries and a bacon cheeseburger. Her previous annoyance with him completely forgotten.

As his mind traveled back to the present, he noticed that it was unseasonably warm in New York for May and the children were treated to some time outdoors. The imposing brick building reminded him of every private school he’d attended as a child, it looked nothing like what one would consider a daycare to be but that was likely why his mother had selected it for her first and only grandchild.

–––––––––––––––––––––

That question the woman asked him though innocent enough was one that had somewhat haunted him. Malcolm had been asked it before though long before Zahra existed–long before the _thought_ of her existed. It was a question he’d dismissively brushed off due to his tricky childhood and Benzo dependency. He’d claimed that he wasn’t dad material back then. Not a lot had changed in that respect. The Benzos were still in the picture as were his demons yet here he was.

“Mine is the one causing trouble.” Malcolm said amusedly as he watched Zahra twist out of the grasp of a harried looking caregiver, quickly sidestepping the woman entirely. Her short, curly and slightly off-kilter post naptime deep golden brown ponytail bouncing in rhythm. Malcolm was always amazed at just how fast Zahra moved for a nearly one year old though Dani just gave him her typical high-browed look as if to say “you would be.”

Ever since Zahra had taken her first steps with Dani sitting on the floor a few feet away encouragingly imploring her to “Come to Mommy” and Malcolm on his knees capturing the entire moment on his phone, his heart swelling with pride, she had bypassed walking entirely–choosing instead to run a lot faster than her little legs could often take her. 

“Zahra, sweetheart!” Malcolm called as he intercepted his daughter with a laugh, scooping her up in mid-flight, kissing her reddened, flushed cheek. He gave the poor caregiver an apologetic smile for his daughter’s rambunctiousness. Zahra giggled, rubbing her face in the crook of his neck–something she often did. “Can you try to behave, please?”

Zahra looked up, scrunching her nose–looking for all the world just like him. She put her little hands on both sides of his stubbled face and shook her head no before collapsing into her high-pitched silver bell laughter. Malcolm snorted before kissing her cheek once more. He should’ve known, she was _his_ daughter after all.

–––––––––––––––––––

Malcolm with Zahra, walked into the iconic 5th Avenue jewelry store–a store where he’d purchased the majority of the jewelry he’d given to Dani over their two and a half years together. It was where he’d also purchased the little diamond studs in Zahra’s ears. His mother had been dismayed at Dani getting Zahra’s ears pierced so early but Jessica wisely decided not to comment on it. 

All eyes snapped to the very handsome young father and the living babydoll in his arms. Sales associates flocked to them, cooing over Zahra’s beauty and how adorable they were. Malcolm immediately felt overwhelmed by the attention and he could tell his daughter did as well as she tucked her face into his chest, wrapping her little arms around his neck. 

A well-coiffed redheaded woman who appeared to be around his mother’s age welcomed them into the store, shooing away the fawning women–something he couldn’t have been more grateful for. “How can I help you two?”

“We’re looking for something for Mama, isn’t that right?” He looked down at Zahra, who’d retreated from the safety of her father’s chest after the scary ladies had been sent away.

His little girl nodded happily, “Mama gift!” The sales associate smiled, her hand at her heart from the cuteness.

The sales associate walked them over to all of the display cases, asking him what he had in mind. He didn’t have anything in mind. He had already procured Dani’s gift from him. This one was all Zahra. He knew Dani would love something that their daughter had exclusively picked out for her.

Angling Zahra closer, her big ice blue eyes–the eyes they shared–widened as she took in all of the sparkling accessories, “What do we think? What do we wanna get for Mama?” Malcolm asked softly. They’d gone past all of the bracelets and rings and Zahra hadn’t shown any particular interest in anything until the associate brought them to the necklaces. A rose gold skeleton key pendant with little round diamonds encrusting it, caught his little girl’s attention.

Zahra pointed to the pendant through the glass. “This one?” Malcolm asked her, smiling softly at her little furrowed brow. His baby was taking her mother’s gift _very_ seriously. Zahra nodded and the sales associate removed the pendant from the case to give them a better look. It was certainly very pretty and because it was coming from Zahra, Dani would absolutely adore it. “You’ve got good taste, sweetheart.”

Before the kindly associate attached the pendant to a delicate rose gold chain and rang them up, she explained that this particular piece symbolized optimism and hope and Malcolm found it ironic that his daughter had selected this particular gift for her mother because that was exactly what _she_ symbolized for them. 

Zahra’s name meant “bright” in Arabic and to them, that meant that she herself represented their optimism and hope that together they could and would move beyond all of the heartache that had lived within them separately. They didn’t have to be defined and controlled by the painful past. Just like the surname Malcolm had chosen so long ago, Zahra represented the choice he’d made to do things differently–to be different. That had started with choosing happiness–choosing Dani. Zahra was their new chapter–a culmination of their new normal.

––––––––––––––––––

“So are you gonna tell me where you disappeared to?” Dani asked as she walked into the apartment a mere twenty minutes after he and Zahra did, shrugging out of her leather jacket. Thankfully, he had enough time to stash her gift. His wife’s arms were crossed and her brows raised, waiting patiently for his answer. Dani still had her badge on her hip, looking very much like the Detective Powell he saw every day at work. Malcolm knew he had to tread carefully.

Malcolm also knew Dani hated when he went off somewhere without telling her and he knew the reason why. Dani didn’t know he knew but she still struggled with the last time he’d gone off without telling anyone. He didn’t bring it up because he knew she wouldn’t want to talk about it but on a few nights, Malcolm had heard her call out for him in her sleep. 

It had surprised him as Dani was the heaviest sleeper he’d ever known–she didn’t stir until his inspirational music alarm went off in the morning. Though whenever it happened, Malcolm would tuck his wife’s head underneath his chin and tighten his arms around her, tracing small circles on her back with his fingertip just as she did to him whenever he needed it. He let her know that he was here and he wasn’t going anywhere. 

That said, _this_ had absolutely nothing to do with _that_ and Malcolm gave Dani an easy smile, hoping to disarm her without giving himself away.

“Mama!” Zahra said running toward Dani, interrupting their conversation and barreling into her legs. Dani’s face broke into a beatific smile as she lifted their baby girl into her arms, smothering her little face with kisses. Zahra squealed in delight at her mother’s attention. She had the distinction of being both a daddy’s _and_ a mommy’s girl just depending upon whose attention she wanted most at any given moment.

Moreover, it always did something to him, seeing his wife and his daughter together–Malcolm’s heart never failed to absolutely burst at the sight of them. He wasn’t even sure if Dani was aware of the effect they had on him–a feeling that he couldn’t describe as anything other than the most intense gratitude.

Along with being a husband, being a father was the greatest joy of his life, though it was something he was still getting used to. That said, the one thing he’d never get used to is the love he felt for his little girl. That love was indescribable and he felt the most intense gratitude to _Dani_ for allowing him the privilege of being Zahra’s father.

Malcolm knew that none of this was supposed to happen to _him_ –not the son of The Surgeon. Furthermore, he had always thought that his fate had been decided the moment he was born. He wasn’t supposed to have such a perfect little family–his girls. He had done nothing to deserve them and there was no way on earth he could repay Dani and Zahra for all they’d given him but he’d spend every single day of his life trying. He would rearrange the stars, pull them down to where his girls were.

“Hi, baby! Did you have a good time out with Dada?” Dani cooed at Zahra, though she shot him a look over Zahra’s curly head. Malcolm had been grateful that the sweet scene had given him a temporary reprieve to come up with something that would get him out of the hot water he was potentially wading into. Apparently it was a _very_ temporary reprieve. 

“It’s nothing to worry about. I just had to pick up a gift for Mother. You know how that is and since I was already out, I decided to pick up Zahra.” He said smoothly, knowing that whenever he mentioned his mother, Dani didn’t tend to ask questions. Malcolm kissed Dani lightly, then kissed the top of Zahra’s head out of habit.

Dani didn’t look like she believed him but she decided to let it go as she and their daughter followed Malcolm into the kitchen, “You know, Gil is super mad with you right now.”

It wasn’t a lie. When she and JT had gotten back from talking to various people connected with their latest suspect, Gil had wasted no time telling her that Malcolm’s ice was getting thinner, his angry father/angry teddy bear look at full intensity. Gil looked that as if he could ground her husband, he absolutely would have. Gil had then assured her that Malcolm was safe which is what she always worried about but he just wasn’t currently at work doing his job.

“Gil’s always super mad with me,” Malcolm said with a laugh as he pulled out various pots and pans in order to get dinner started. Whenever Dani was a little upset with him, he could usually smooth things over with food. When she was a lot upset with him, he usually ended up at Tiffany or Cartier. Malcolm rolled up his sleeves to the elbow, squatting down, searching the refrigerator for something he could prepare.

“True but this time he said the profile had better be delivered to him first thing in the morning. He didn’t say _or else_ but it was implied.” Dani said, taking a seat at the island with Zahra in her lap. Their daughter contentedly playing with the multitude of rings on her mother’s fingers.

“Not a problem, it’s all up here,” Malcolm smirked, pointing to his head.

Dani snorted, “Tell that to Gil in the morning, I dare you.” 

Dani always loved watching her husband in the kitchen though it didn’t happen extremely often as they both were incredibly busy at almost all times. Malcolm still didn’t eat much but the kitchen was far better stocked than it was when she first met him. He made sure they always had all the things both she and Zahra liked so he could cook for them. Dani loved watching his slow, methodical approach to prepping and preparing everything. It was very unlike the way he usually went about literally everything else. 

Malcolm was a far better cook than Dani ever was, it was definitely something that had surprised her. Though it shouldn’t have because Malcolm was weirdly good at everything, he chalked it up to always being awake–he had nothing but time to master whatever interested him at the moment. “You know you can’t bribe me with food every time, right?”

Her husband’s smirk stretched further across his lips as he set the water to a boil, “I seem to remember seducing you with my roast chicken once upon a time and you’ve stuck around ever since.” Malcolm said, calling to mind the night he proposed to her. 

“I would’ve stuck around even if your cooking sucked.” Dani answered his smirk with her own before getting up and disappearing down the hall with Zahra for bath time. 

Malcolm knew firsthand what an adventure that was. He remembered passing down the hallway and seeing Dani halfway in the tub herself, trying at once to hold and clean a wriggling Zahra. Unsuccessfully trying to dodge their daughter’s repeated tidal wave of water splashes. 

Malcolm knew that if there was anyone who deserved a quiet Mother’s Day in, it was Dani Powell-Bright.

––––––––––––––––––

Malcolm got up, slowly extracting himself from a soundly sleeping Dani in order to get this Mother’s Day started. Dani had gotten up when his inspirational music alarm went off to shower and check her messages, making sure that Gil didn’t need them as murder took no time off even for holidays. Thankfully, he didn’t and the only message from their boss was one wishing her a happy Mother’s Day. She’d quickly fallen back asleep.

He ventured into Zahra’s room, knowing that as soon as she heard her father milling about the apartment, she’d want to join in. His daughter was already standing up in her elaborate crib in her white pajamas with the little red starburst designs–one of the few clothing items that Dani herself had bought Zahra as his mother and sister made sure that their daughter would never be in the position to wear the same outfit twice. Her little arms were raised expectantly, waiting to be picked up.

“Good morning, Sunshine!” Malcolm murmured, kissing her cheek. He laughed as Zahra returned the favor. He gently brushed back the halo of deep golden brown curls around her temples, marveling at their uncanny resemblance. Even after eleven months, Malcolm still couldn’t get over the fact that this wonderful little person wore his face and continuously made all of his expressions. Dani always smirkingly claimed that Zahra also acted just like him–she was right–but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction by admitting to it.

“Are we ready to give Mama the best Mother’s Day ever?”

–––––––––––––––––

Instead of spending brunch at one of his mother’s favorite restaurants, Malcolm had decided to cook all of the things he knew Dani liked for breakfast–something Ainsley had voiced her displeasure about. His sister had texted, calling him a “traitor” for leaving her to handle Her Highness’s Mother’s Day all on her own. He didn’t respond. 

_She’ll figure it out_ , Malcolm thought to himself with a smile, thinking how he now had a built-in excuse for not showing up to anything he didn’t feel like attending.

Malcolm gently wiped Zahra’s mouth and hands as she’d enthusiastically ate bits of the Belgian waffle he cut up for her as she sat in her highchair and watched him prepare all of her mother’s favorites in between accepting flower deliveries. Malcolm belatedly realized that he might’ve gone a bit overboard when their living room started to resemble the Cathedral he and Dani had gotten married in, though this time with pink roses as opposed to white.

“Are we ready to go get Mama?” He asked as got down to eye level, handing Zahra the little turquoise bag with the gift she had picked out for Dani before scooping her up and taking her in the direction of the bedroom.

––––––––––––––-

“Zahra, sweetheart, please be careful,” Malcolm winced as he watched their little girl hurriedly crawl up the length of Dani’s torso before settling on her stomach.Though her eyes were still closed, the edges of Dani’s lips curved up in a smile. She was quite used to Zahra’s knees in her sternum. 

Their little girl giggled, “Mama gift!” Zahra placed the little Tiffany bag on Dani’s chest, waiting for her mother to open it while tugging at her long dark curls happily.

Dani opened her eyes slowly, taking in her daughter’s excited face inches from her own. She sat up, “You got me a gift, baby?” Zahra nodded and Dani looked over at Malcolm who’d settled beside her on his side of the bed. He couldn’t contain his smile at the two of them and she wondered what on earth her two troublemakers had in store for her.

Dani reached into the bag, pulling out the long, slender box. “You wanna help me open it?” she asked, holding out the box to Zahra so she could pull off the attached white ribbon. Her little girl pulled one end and she pulled the other before lifting the lid and seeing the beautiful rose gold diamond encrusted skeleton key necklace.

She gasped, “This is beautiful, baby. Thank you.” Dani leaned forward to press kisses to her little girl’s forehead. “And thank you too.” She said turning to her husband who looked absolutely delighted at her reaction, his ice blue eyes radiating warmth and crinkling in that way she loved.

“Dada kiss?” Zahra asked, peering at the two of them.

They both laughed at their daughter’s inquisitiveness. “Yes, Dada gets a kiss too,” Dani smiled against Malcolm’s lips.

“Happy Mother’s Day, Dani” The utter softness in Malcolm’s expression making her heart swell. No one had ever looked at her that way before she met Malcolm. It was funny, there were a lot of things that had never happened to her before she met Malcolm. “There’s food in the kitchen. I figured I wouldn’t make you suffer through brunch this year.” 

––––––––––––––––––

“Mama should put on her gift, don’t you think sweetheart?” Malcolm asked Zahra as he gently removed it from the box. Dani shifted towards him, holding up her hair. She lightly traced the delicate pendant with a fingertip as it settled just beneath her clavicle. 

“This really is beautiful. You did well,” she smirked at Malcolm over her shoulder. He grinned, kissing her jaw, his stubble pleasantly scraping against her skin.

“I had nothing to do with it. Zahra picked it out all on her own.”

“You did? You picked out Mama’s gift by yourself, baby?” Dani asked as Zahra nodded bashfully, hugging herself to Dani’s chest. Her arms wrapped around her daughter automatically, carding her fingers through the curls they both shared. 

In the back of her mind, she knew the food was getting cold but she wanted to stay in this moment. It wasn’t often that the three of them got to be together like this, not since she’d gone back to work and she wanted to enjoy it–soak in every moment of it. Dani leaned back against Malcolm’s chest, inhaling his fresh shower scent. His arms automatically wrapped around the both of them. “You know what? Already, I can say that my loves have given me the best Mother’s Day.”

She looked back at Malcolm over her shoulder, noticing the spark of mischief in his nearly translucent blue eyes. “But wait, there’s more.” he said slyly, shifting away from her a bit as he reached in the bedside drawer, producing a small white box.

“Bright, what is this?” Dani looked at her husband who excitedly bit his lip, looking very much like his daughter had ten minutes ago. Holding Zahra with one arm, she opened the box to find what looked like a key of some sort. In fact, it looked like a regular house key.

“Since this is your first Mother’s Day, I wanted to do something special. I know how hard it is taking care of Zahra and also me and then working the way we do. It’s a lot and you do it all like it’s no big deal but it is and I wanted to fully show my appreciation for the best mom our daughter could ever have.” Malcolm’s eyes drifted to their daughter who’d fallen asleep in Dani’s arms.

“Are you trying to make me cry, Bright?” Dani asked only half joking as the mischief in his ice blue eyes faded into that boyish earnestness that undid her absolutely every time.

Malcolm laughed, “Definitely not. This a key to a little home I bought for the three of us on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire. It’s actually in Meredith but it’s pretty far away from everything. I thought it would be nice to have somewhere to get away when you need it. Away from the city, the murders and my mother.”

Dani felt her brows nearly disappear into her hairline, “You bought us a house? Like an actual _house_?” Her husband had always had a flair for the dramatic but this was a lot even for him. 

Malcolm’s grin widened, his dimples appearing as he produced a portfolio of photos nearly out of thin air. Dani's jaw dropped, there was absolutely nothing little about the towering rustic lakefront semi-mansion. From what she could tell by the photos, it had two floors, three bedrooms with five bathrooms. There was a little deck that led directly to the lake where you could dock a boat. She wondered if Malcolm had purchased one as well. She hoped he didn’t but he probably did. The inside of the home looked like something seen in _Town & Country_. Dani honestly couldn’t believe that all of this was hers.

Though excessive as she was sure her husband had paid around seven figures for it, the home–their home looked absolutely heavenly–secluded and completely surrounded by forrest. There was even a rather large porch that would be perfect for watching the sunrise. Dani shook her head, she thought she was immune to being surprised by Malcolm Bright but here she was.

“Is this what you disappeared off to do a couple days ago?” Dani had wondered why Malcolm was being so secretive. He didn’t usually keep things from her and when he did, it always set her on edge. Dani didn’t completely–or at all–buy that her husband would miss out on solving a murder just to buy Jessica a Mother’s Day gift.

“Kind of. Zahra and I also bought your gift that day but I didn’t actually drive up to New Hampshire. I mean, it’s amazing what you can do over the phone and Skype as well…Do you like it?” Malcolm asked, now starting to look a bit anxious, wondering if he’d overdone things.

Dani smiled sweetly as she leaned in very carefully as to not disturb Zahra. “I love it and I love you even more,” her soft thank you kiss punctuating the sentiment.

––––––––––––––

Dani had returned Zahra to her crib, startling a bit when she noticed the two _massive_ teddy bear shaped flower arrangements in the living room. Her baby was knocked out and would likely stay that way for the next couple of hours. The morning’s excitement had tired her out. The two of them had finally made it to the kitchen to eat. Though Dani ate and Malcolm mostly watched, wrinkling his nose at the way she absolutely smothered her waffles and everything else on her plate in maple syrup. 

They’d once again made it back to the bedroom and she was grateful that she got to spend the day in her pajamas as opposed to a dress and heels. That said, later on they’d probably make it over to Malcolm’s family home to deliver Jessica’s gift and with it being Mother’s Day, Lovey would likely want to see Zahra–that is if Malcolm was feeling up to it. 

Malcolm had never told her specifically but Dani knew he wasn’t entirely comfortable bringing Zahra to the home he’d grown up in. The home where he’d watched his father get arrested in for murdering twenty-three people. The home where unspeakable horrors had happened to innocent people. The home where unspeakable horrors had happened to him. Whenever they did go as a family, they never stayed very long and Malcolm always kept his eyes locked on Zahra when she wasn’t in his arms as though he expected The Surgeon to come around the corner and join them for tea.

Dani closed her eyes, she didn’t want to spend another moment in time thinking of the man who’d gleefully stolen nearly everything worth having from her husband. Instead she returned to the present as she rested her head on Malcolm’s chest, enjoying a rare moment of tranquility.

“Did you think we’d ever make it here?” Malcolm asked out of the blue. On the surface he sounded casual but she knew there was something more going on.

Dani scooted over a bit, propping herself on an elbow so she could look at him. “Hmm…well, I don’t know. It’s not like you asked _me_ out on a date first.”

Malcolm rolled his eyes though by the quirk of his lips, she could tell his heart wasn’t in it, “I just bought you a house.”

Though she’d teased him, it was an interesting question and to be honest, she didn’t. Growing up in Highbridge, all she wanted was to make a life for herself. Before she met Malcolm, she wasn’t unhappy but she couldn’t say she was happy either. It was an okay type of life and she had been content with that because it meant that she was surviving and at the end of it, that was all she knew how to do. If someone were to tell her that the other part of herself belonged to the son of the most notorious serial killer since Jack the Ripper, she would’ve never believed it. She’d long stopped thinking with her heart but as soon as she got to know the strange man with a spirit as beautiful as it was broken, she knew her heart had never stood a chance.

“Seriously, though. No, I didn’t. I mean, when I think back to five years ago, I was so hard. Allowing myself to trust you–to fall in love with you. To break every single one of my rules, I couldn’t imagine that back then but it’s the best choice I ever made.” Dani finished softly, her big brown eyes sparkling in a way he’d seen only when she looked at him. His fingers found the ridge of her hip, tapping against her idly.

Malcolm nodded and though he understood and appreciated what Dani said, that wasn’t exactly the question he was asking her. He wondered if she thought they’d ever make it _here_ with a child.

Dani had never spoken to him about having kids and he never brought it up even after they were married. Malcolm never saw himself as being anyone’s father. Moreover, he didn’t think anyone would actually _want_ to carry his progeny even someone who’d accepted all of him from the very beginning.

Malcolm remembered the moment Dani told him she was pregnant–they hadn’t even made it to their first wedding anniversary yet. Her deep brown eyes filled with wonder as she placed his hands on her flat stomach, covering them with her own. As soon as Malcolm realized what she was telling him, he’d felt exceedingly close to fainting but the joy in his wife’s eyes told him that this was what she’d always wanted–even if she’d never said such a thing aloud. 

It made sense as Dani was a protector and nurturer by nature–something Malcolm had experienced firsthand even before he could put a name to the feelings he had for her. It had made even more sense as he watched the tears run down his wife’s face, her expression holding absolute _love_ as she held their tiny daughter for the very first time after nine months of feeling Zahra grow and develop inside of her.

_What if we already are who we’ve been dying to become?_

It was a thought that kept circling back around and around in his mind. The sentiment certainly extended to Dani as she was known as Detective Powell and also Bright’s wife but it was being Zahra’s mom–he knew that role in life was the one that truly filled her. He felt guilty that it was a role he would’ve never allowed her to fulfill on his own–his shame and insecurity taking up residence where his trust and willingness should’ve been. Zahra had been an incredible surprise to the both of them but she was the best gift either of them could’ve ever received.

Malcolm noticed the raise of Dani’s brows, his wife’s exceedingly beautiful face meeting him head on. He knew she noticed the change in him and he didn’t want to make her cry on Mother’s Day. He already had a habit of letting his darkness seep into what was supposed to be happy moments. He wanted Dani to hold on to the feeling from earlier–he didn’t want to trouble her on this day.

––––––––––––––––––––

“What?” Dani asked, lightly brushing his deep chestnut hair out his eyes.

Malcolm scrunched up his nose, “Nothing. It’s kind of heavy for Mother’s Day.”

Dani sat up and scooted closer, not allowing him to get away with withholding anything from her, “Now, you have to tell me.”

Malcolm looked down as he played with her fingers. His attention fixed on the three rings on her finger. Her thin platinum wedding band and the two delicate matching silver rings. One with Zahra’s birthstone and the other with his, “Do you remember our first case together–the Burkehead case?”

Dani nodded slowly. She didn’t know where he was going with this. Malcolm looked up at her, his nearly translucent eyes thick with emotion, “Do you remember what you said to me that night?” His voice cracked a bit as the memories took ahold of him.

Dani took a deep breath, trying to steady her own voice. She now knew _exactly_ where he was going with this, “I said, ‘you weren’t gonna let him do that, right?’” She remembered how he almost plunged the poison filled syringe into his arm. She didn’t even know him then but she couldn’t control her panic at almost watching Malcolm kill himself in front of her eyes.

 _I deserve The Surgeon’s pain_ , Dani heard his voice in her mind as clear as her own. That was what he’d said then. It was what he believed–she’d seen it on Malcolm’s face and in his eyes when she grabbed his chin, needing him to tell her that he had no intention of actually doing what he had been about to do. The lie he told her after couldn’t compete with what she knew–what she’d _seen_.

Malcolm nodded, a humorless smile passing over his lips, “You did and I lied to you. I was–I wanted to. At that moment, I wanted it all to be over. I wanted relief from feeling like no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I was destined to become just like him. I was destined to hurt people. I didn’t want to be the ticking time bomb anymore. I wanted to be apart of the quartet. I wanted to finish what my father started in the best way I knew how.”

“ _Malcolm_ ,” Dani whispered, her throat closing. She never called him by his first name but it was all she could say. The weight of his words settling within her–crushing her lungs and squeezing her heart. They’d been through a lot together but she really didn’t know just how close she’d come to losing him–losing everything–on the very first day they’d met. She wouldn’t cry because she didn’t want him to feel bad. She didn’t want him to retreat and feel the need to hide the things he kept close to his heart.

“Here I am making you sad on Mother’s Day,” he said ruefully. Dani shook her head as she moved even closer, wrapping an arm around him. She needed him to _feel_ her. His arm wrapped around her small frame in return and he rested his head against her chest. He closed his eyes as he listened to his wife’s steady heartbeat. He still had more to say but he needed a few moments to be anchored in her. “I held on then but that didn’t stop me from being reckless. I thought it was because it made me a better profiler. I thought the closer I came to death–the better I could solve murders. That wasn’t it though. I didn’t care what happened to me. I didn’t care whether I lived or died.”

Dani pulled back so that she could make him look at her. She wasn’t crying but he could see the hurt deep within her dark eyes. Her pain entirely for him. She placed her soft hands on both sides of his face, “You don’t feel that way now, do you?”

Malcolm shook his head, the sadness in his nearly translucent blue eyes changing into something else. Something open and exposed, “I held on and I kept holding on. For the longest, I didn’t even know why especially when it would’ve been so much easier to let go but now, I do. I held on for my girls. I guess, there was a part of me that knew at some point that I would be needed. I couldn’t let them–both of you–down.”

Dani leaned down and kissed her husband deeply. Words failed her. All she knew is the love she felt for him–a love that had given her more than she’d ever thought possible. A love that had given her the most beautiful treasure–her daughter. A love that threatened to split her chest in two. She needed Malcolm to know that he’d made the best choice too. 

She rested her forehead against his, holding tightly to the hair at the nape of his neck, “Bright, against all odds, we’re still here and _here_ is where we’ll always be.”

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE shoutout to @2amEuphoria aka the real MVP for brainstorming this with me, indulging my obsession with baby Brightwell and giving me the idea for the lake house in New Hampshire.
> 
> Also a few lines in here are from the Sleeping At Last Song Lyric Writing prompts from @reverie-writes on Tumblr
> 
> 11\. I will rearrange the stars, pull them down to where you are (Light)  
> 20\. What if we already are who we've been dying to become? (Four)  
> 25\. Against all odds, we're still here. (We're Still Here)


End file.
